This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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