Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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