she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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