lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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