Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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