and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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