Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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