forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
