oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
