the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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