He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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