I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
