I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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