You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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