and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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