No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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