DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
