so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
