He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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