I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
