smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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