I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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