Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
