Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
