sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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