were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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