listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
