I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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