Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize