My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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