I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
