So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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