we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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