Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
