She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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