we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
