I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
