im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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