so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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