You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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