So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
