Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
