Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also, beer. Big fan.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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