chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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