im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
