one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
3pm strippers are depressing
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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