I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
handjob tips. give me some.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
