i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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