i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
