I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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