How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think my moral compass just broke
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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