I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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