i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
