I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
