Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
