Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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