She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
