Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I can't turn off my feet"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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