i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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