i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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