my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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