I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
