remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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