did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
