last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
