he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
