Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
