god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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