i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
